


Brittle Steel - A Slightly Different Wingfic

by Allerleirauh



Category: Sapphire and Steel
Genre: Community: trope_bingo, Multi, Phobias, Trope Subversion/Inversion, Wingfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-21
Updated: 2013-03-21
Packaged: 2017-12-05 23:52:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/729317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Allerleirauh/pseuds/Allerleirauh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was simply inconceivable that an Element would fall prey to a phobia.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Brittle Steel - A Slightly Different Wingfic

**Author's Note:**

> This is set after assignment three (the one with the swans and pillows). It assumes that Steel might have come out of that assignment a lot more ruffled than everyone might have expected.  
> A big whopping thank you to lost_spook, who said ‘Steel’ and ‘Swans’ and made the light bulb go ‘ping’ in my hand. :D  
> betaed by spikesgirl58

It was simply inconceivable that an Element could fall prey to a phobia, least of all he, Steel, who was supposed to be the epitome of strength and durability. Yet, he had. After he had been confronted about this weakness, he had argued that it must be a failing closely associated with him so often adopting human form, that it wasn’t something inherent, but something far more insidious, an instance of form influencing function that had worked against him here and against his own consciousness. But while his reasoning had been acknowledged and even accepted, it had earned him neither a pardon nor even a short respite.

As a result he found himself here, standing in this green meadow nearby a silent lake, feeling raw and exposed.

He shivered, silently cursing himself. How he would have liked to blame it on the wind, but there was none. He felt a clammy film of sweat all over his human body, droplets of it slowly running down his spine. How he would have liked to blame it on the heat, yet this pleasant English day of spring was so disgracefully failing to provide any. His hands trembled ever so slightly. How he would have liked to blame it on exhaustion, on something even an Element was allowed to feel after an especially trying assignment, only there hadn’t been one recently.

Involuntarily Steel tried to take a step back, but a hand, pressed against the small of his back, stopped his attempt, forcing him to stay still, preventing him from increasing the distance between himself and the thing in front of him.

“You know it is only Sapphire.” Silver’s voice was gentle in his ear. It was Silver’s hand that was keeping him in place; it was Silver, who stood close behind him, shadowing him, offering support, both caring and relentless. This was their second try. The first one had been a complete catastrophe; the first time their roles had been distributed differently.

***

They had come to this place, the meadow and the lake, both nestled inside a small valley, to be as far away from any disturbances and distractions as possible. Sapphire had described their surroundings as peaceful and placid. Unfortunately it was an atmosphere that was completely lost on Steel. He had almost told Sapphire, the urge to chastise her for her foolish and in this case quite obviously deceitful perceptiveness had been almost overpowering, but he had reined himself in. Even though his companions might pronounce him as being insensitive and regretfully indifferent to the finer points of social interaction and psychological motivations, he wasn’t completely oblivious to such things. He had understood that it was his own feeling of discomfort that was driving him to lash out. Hence he had stayed silent, minding his instinctual reactions.

While he and Sapphire had stood by and waited, Silver had taken a couple of steps away from them and there he had assumed another form. From one moment to the other Silver had been gone. In his place had stood something else, something that was far too large, far too white, far too heavy and above all far too _feathery._ The sheer sight had caused Steel to break out into cold sweat. As if that hadn’t been bad enough, however, the swan had suddenly raised itself, had stretched its torso high on its short legs, moving its long neck even higher into the air and had started flapping its wings. For a few seconds Steel had stood paralysed, his field of vision tunnelling down to threatening white as air beat against his face and he had been waiting for the beak. Then, from one instant to the other, terror had struck and Steel had been gone. He had fled the scene without a second thought, acting on an instinct he hadn’t even known he possessed.

It had been a long time before he had returned.

_I see no reason to continue,_ he had told them both.

_You’re prevaricating_ , Sapphire had answered, her voice a gentle admonition.

_Remember that conspiracy of ravens, Steel_ , Silver had chimed in.

_They were conspiratorial enough, those beasts_ , Steel had shot back harshly. _And don’t think for a second I don’t realize you’re doing this on purpose._

Silver’s response had been all feigned innocence. _I have no idea what you’re talking about,_ he had answered.

_Silver, stop winding him up,_ Sapphire’s voice had interrupted their squabbling. _Steel, I’m sure you haven’t forgotten your completely irrational, not to say dangerous, behaviour towards those birds. You can call them what you like, a conspiracy, an unkindness or just a mundane flock, the fact remains that they drove you away from an assignment. The fact remains that you left us behind._

Her accusation had hung heavy between them.

_I came back_ , he had retorted at last, but his voice had sounded small even in his own mind.

_Yes, you did, but it’s your leaving in the first place that has us worried_ , Silver had replied and this time there hadn’t been any hint of his earlier mockery or his usual playfulness.

_There’s no need_ , he had told them. They hadn’t believed him. While it had taken both of them an unreasonably long amount of time to coax him into giving this a second try, they had finally succeeded.

***

“It is only Sapphire,” Silver repeated now while his hand, still firmly resting against Steel’s back, started to increase its pressure.

Silver was urging him to take a step forward Steel realized. He tensed as a mass of conflicting emotions threatened to overwhelm him: a lance of fear, silly and shameful at the same time; anger at himself and following immediately in its wake, anger at Silver, who now seemed to be far too tall and self-righteous and condescending; anger at Sapphire, only slightly less intense, for assuming such a ridiculous form and playing along with this scheme; denial, focused sharply on the whole situation he was fast experiencing as a trap.

The most damning thing about it all was that while he felt all this, felt like he was virtually drowning in a sea of unwelcome and repulsive feelings, a part of his mind was still able to analyse everything and to work with its accustomed crystal clear precision. But did it help in resolving his dilemma? No, it didn’t. Quite on the contrary, it made him feeling even more torn, leaving him once again in a state of paralysis. This was all happening too fast, far too fast for him. He needed to step back, he desperately needed to take a breath and calm his mind.

“Maybe we should try this another time,” he said, as he stared down at the bird sitting in front of him, its diminutive form and its brown and grey colouring such a far cry from everything he had learned to associate with his fellow Element.

He felt Silver’s hand at his back move upwards, coming to rest on his shoulder as Silver stepped behind him.

“Relax, Steel,” was all Silver said as his other hand came to rest on Steel’s other shoulder.

He concentrated on those hands, a solid weight now, no longer trying to urge him forward, but instead grounding him. He didn’t even flinch, when Silver did one of his more ridiculous moves by leaning close and putting his chin on Steel’s right shoulder. Normally Steel wouldn’t have allowed such fancy, but right now he felt too unsettled to protest.

“She’s an eider-duck.” Silver’s voice was casual and low, his breath slightly tickling at Steel’s ear. “They are remarkable creatures. Their down is renowned for its softness and supreme insulating capabilities,” Silver continued. “You know what? I think, I’m going to say hello to her because I simply can’t help it; I’m dying from curiosity.”

Without any other forewarning Silver’s warm and soothing presence behind Steel was suddenly gone as Silver stepped away and around him. It took Silver no more than two long strides and he stood beside the bird. He turned, and looking back at Steel with a grin he folded his legs, settling himself down on the grass in a cross-legged manner. Reaching out he deftly plugged the bird off the ground and placed it on one of his knees. The beast appeared completely unruffled, doing nothing more than a bit of shifting on its feet before settling down, most likely to find a comfortable sitting position. Its wings unfolded the slightest bit, but it didn’t flap them and Steel felt immensely grateful for that.

It was an odd tableau that presented itself to Steel: the sitting Silver, a smile on his face, the sitting duck on Silver’s knee, silent and serene, while the grassy meadow and the lake behind them provided a framework of treacherous serenity.

Suddenly he wanted to join them, his fellow Element and the duck. Then, he remembered. No, the duck was his fellow Element, too. Of course, the duck was Sapphire. How could he have forgotten that? Yet, he had. At least for a moment he had truly forgotten.

He felt singled out now, isolated and alone. His wish to join them turned into more, transforming from a simple impulse to a craving. It was a new feeling for him and a startling one. He wanted to have Silver back, even Silver’s far too presumptuous way of touching seemed only a small price to pay now. Yet, Silver was with the duck. But no, the duck was only Sapphire and Sapphire was safe.

He took a step forward.

_Steel._ In his mind Silver’s voice did nothing more than utter his name, but it was a praise, an endearment, and a caress that drew him in like a magnet. Before he had fully realized what he was doing, he had taken the second step and was standing in front of Silver. He sank to the ground, mirroring Silver’s position, fixing his eyes on Silver while carefully avoiding to look at the beast for the moment.

For a while they just sat like that — he and Silver, staring at each other. Yet, Silver didn’t allow this kind of evasion for long. He raised a hand, catching Steel’s attention with twiddling fingers, before he brought it down again and started stroking the duck’s neck and head.

The duck reacted by stretching its neck, baring its throat, seemingly intent on giving Silver better access. It started making soft clucking sounds and its whole demeanor so clearly communicated its pleasure, its reactions seemed almost indecent.

It was a show for his benefit. Steel knew that, but the knowledge didn’t lessen his enthrallment at the sight, the push and pull of revulsion and fascination. Silver started to carefully ruffle the feathers, his touching fingers carefully working against the growth. Steel noticed that under the brown and grey vaned feathers of the duck there was another layer of lighter feathers that looked far softer, smaller, and less structured. They looked remarkably soft and fluffy as if they were meant to be touched.

The revulsion was still there, but slowly his fascination won over and a new feeling was slowly and almost imperceptibly gaining importance. He couldn’t help, but feel jealousy towards Silver. At the casualness with which Silver was able to stroke the creature.

_No, not the creature, this is Sapphire_ , Steel reminded himself again. He braced himself and garnered all his resolve. Slowly reaching out, he brushed a single finger over the downs. They were exactly as soft as they looked. They felt marvellous.

***

Afterwards he couldn’t say what finally tipped the balance. It wasn’t this first stroke; it wasn’t the second or third, both still tentative and overly cautious. Something did, however, and maybe it was the way the duck’s eyes had at one point fluttered shut under his ministrations. It made his fingers and hand grow bolder, following feathery contours along neck and belly and back, until he suddenly reached out with both his hands and plucked the duck from Silver’s knee and pulled it into his own lap.

Silver’s presence was nothing more but a distant awareness while all his concentration was focused on his exploration. Up until now he had never given much thought to his tactile sense, had treated it like his other senses as a tool for his mind and intellect. Now, he found himself reveling in it, indulging in it, and drowning in it with uncharacteristic abandon. A tiny voice in his mind whispered that he might be overreacting, but for once he ignored it. He stroked and ruffled, then gently smoothed down the duck’s plumage until at last he concentrated on the wings, spreading one of them carefully to look at its structure, noticing the different texture of the flight feathers, stiff and strong and beautiful.

Eventually his exploration drew to an end and he sat in peace as his touches lost its inquisitiveness and became more languid. There was an almost dreamy quality to his soft strokes and touches.

He was startled when Silver took the duck out of his lap and placed it back on the grass beside them. In the blink of an eye it was gone and replaced by the familiar form of Sapphire. Steel looked at her and was surprised. She looked— flushed, her hair slightly dishevelled, her breath a bit shallow and faster than usual.

“Well, that certainly was an interesting experience,” she said with a smile, and Steel wondered about the distinct hoarseness present in her voice. She looked at Silver. “Thank you for the rescue,” she said and then chuckled softly. Silver grinned in response. It was one of those grins that Steel had come to know as hiding a whole world of unspoken meaning, a whole world of subtext he, Steel, never seemed privy to.

He felt baffled and slightly annoyed by it. He hadn’t been aware that Sapphire had needed rescuing. The duck hadn’t appeared to be uncomfortable with him. Granted he wasn’t the best interpreter of such things, but still. “I don’t understand,” he said to both of them.

They looked back at him. Silver almost immediately averted his eyes again, instead looking again at Sapphire. He chuckled and reaching out he picked a single eider-down out of her hair. He presented it to Steel, who took it, still waiting for an explanation.

“Let me put it this way. Just give me a warning should you _ever_ decide to focus on _me_ the way you just did with her. Don’t get me wrong, I certainly wouldn’t be adverse to the idea, but a warning would be nice nonetheless,” Silver said at last and for the briefest moment he actually managed to make eye-contact with Steel.

Steel considered questioning Silver further, but thought better of it. He had seen an odd mixture of emotions in Silver’s eyes, eagerness and embarrassment in equal proportions. A Silver in that kind of mood wouldn’t offer Steel any further explanations, he was sure of that.

Instead he turned to Sapphire. If Silver wanted to speak in riddles, at least Sapphire should be able to make sense of it. His hope sank though, when she laughed at Silver’s words, obviously understanding his meaning, but just shook her head at Steel’s own questioning look, obviously refusing an explanation, too.

_It isn’t important, Steel,_ her voice unexpectedly whispered in his mind. _We have accomplished what we meant to do here. You’ve done the first step in overcoming your fear. In the end that is all that matters._

While her words didn’t shed even the slightest sliver of light on both Silver’s and her own inexplicable behavior, Steel decided that for now he could accept her evasion, especially when it came with such a favourable judgement for himself. Eventually, he was sure he would find out what all this had been about. _Here at least_ , he thought with some amusement, _time will be on_ my _side for a change._


End file.
